Mothers of Gay Children Survey

 

Listen to Your Mother:

Mothers Respond When Their Children Come Out as Gay

This is a project which began as a presentation at the Museum of Motherhood in NYC. I am looking for moms to provide information about their reactions when their child (of any age) came out to them. The responses so far have generated ideas for artwork and other creative presentations of these moving comments. Anything you wish to share (positive, negative, and anything in between) is appreciated and anonymous.

Please feel free to comment, share, re-post, etc!

Because the survey is anonymous, I won’t be able to thank you later, so in advance: THANK YOU for taking the time!

Share your thoughts at: http://svy.mk/tdHvRv


Click here to read some excerpts from the presentation given at the Museum.

Comments (21)

21 Responses to “Mothers of Gay Children Survey”

  1. Jane Lekus says:

    Thanks for giving me the chance to contribute to your wonderful project.

  2. Maura says:

    Jane, thanks so much for taking the time to share your experiences!

  3. Gina Ellis says:

    I hope to see the results of these surveys! Thank you for letting us at Cincinnati PFLAG know about this effort!

  4. Suzanne says:

    Thanks from a PFLAG Mom!

  5. Maura says:

    Thanks everyone, for all the PFLAG love!

  6. Tina Einsig says:

    Thank you for making me take the time to contemplate my feelings and having a closer look at what my child has dealt with in the last year.

  7. nancy thayer says:

    My son being gay was so natural to me, like him being human. It was much harder for him, however. The world, in general, is so narrow ie concerning gender,race, skin color, religion, political persuasion (just to mention a few). Humans can be weak and cruel. Their weakness is reflected in their lack of acceptance. But their low gray matter, fear of rejection and low esteem reflects their inability to learn about and care for others.

  8. Ellen Madura says:

    When my son first told me, it was 12 years ago when he entered college. I was worried for him because there are people out there that might want to hurt him for no other reason except that he is gay. The world has changed alot for the better. I have watched him live a happy life with wonderful friends and a family that loves him very much.He is very confident in who he is and I am very grateful for that. We are very close and he is a blessing to his father and I.

  9. Both of my sons are gay; my younges one came out first although honestly I had no clue. I always thought the oldest was gay but he never said a thing. Peter came out at the age of 16 when we were eating dinner at the Sizzler Restaurant and said “Mom,I’m gay, not believing him, I said you are so full of it; he said no, I’m gay. I looked at him and said it doesn’t make a difference your mom son and I love you. On the ride home I cried a little and asked if he was sure and he said yes mom and that was enough for me; although having a cousin who was gay I knew what he was going to have to face during his life and I was afraid for him. For a minute I thought I’m never going to be a grandma but soon realized that was not true because gay couples adopt. My oldest son waited a long time because of me; when he finally came out I said I knew it and you didn’t have to wait if we loved Peter why wouldn’t we love and accept you. I am part of my sons lives and their signficant others and I am so proud of them. You do worry and at one point some boys in Peter’s school tried to run him down with their car and kill him. That’s the hard part. Loving them is easy. God made them they way He made me! Peter is in show business and Joseph has started a Non For Profit assisting children living wiht HIV/AIDS in New York. I am part of their lives and again am so proud of them men they are and what is yet to come for them. Thanks for letting me share in this.

  10. Marge says:

    I am so glad to be part of your survey. Thank you for the opportunity! Good luck on your project. I couldn’t love my son anymore than I do now. I am so proud of him and his accomplishments. It wasn’t easy for him in the beginning because he was part of a “christian” church, who shunned him when he came out and left him alone! But as the Phoenix rose, so did he out of the ashes and has made wonderful friends. He now is “Riding for Aids” in Chicago and California. I couldn’t be more proud of him. He is loved unconditionally by his family and friends!

  11. Sue Probst says:

    Wow….so incredible to be a part of this! Thank you so much. I am so very proud of my son and tell I him that all the time. His life is incredible and he is surrounded by a loving and supportive family and friends. He makes me what I am today…..a strong and loving mother and person!

  12. Arlene Falk says:

    My world has grown since my son came out to us. I will never stop working to make this world a better place. A lot has changed in twenty years but a lot more work is ahead of us. I am very proud to be a mother of a gay son and son-in-law.

  13. Lisa Manville says:

    Thank you for doing this. When My Son told me, he was very hesitant as if worried what My response would be. I told him that I already knew. I had always known. And I told him that it didn’t make any difference to me, I love him just as much, I love him just the same, and he is My Son, nothing changes my love for him, not being Gay or not, just as it wouldn’t change how I felt if he was a good kid vs. a bad kid, or if he was outgoing vs. shy. He is My Son. I Love him with all my heart! I don’t understand how some Parents can turn their children away when they tell their Parents. That’s when your child needs you the most in their life. How could I have reacted any other way? I am so very Proud of My Son! I remember him telling me that he hears all these stories from his friends about the horrible way some of them were treated by their PArents because they are Gay, and I will never forget him telling me that he had no way to understand how that felt because he didn’t experience that at all with me when he told me. That is something I will always carry with me. Just something as simple as my reaction made his journey easier. That is what a Mom should be able to do for her Son.

  14. Barbara W. Cariello says:

    Thabk you so much for the opportunity to reflect on one of the most defining moments in my relationship with my son. The survey questions were thoughtful and concise, affording me the honesty to relive those precious moments when my son spoke from his heart and let me know who he was. It is an honor to be a part of a much needed insight into the lives of others coming to terms with their sexuality, especially for parents and children. We are their first teachers in life, how profound a moment when we acknowledge that is is our children who really have the most to teach us about how to live and learn in this life. This survey brought me full circle , now I truly know how I feel, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  15. Barbara W. Cariello says:

    Thabk you so much for the opportunity to reflect on one of the most defining moments in my relationship with my son. The survey questions were thoughtful and concise, affording me the honesty to relive those precious moments when my son spoke from his heart and let me know who he was. It is an honor to be a part of a much needed insight into the lives of others coming to terms with their sexuality, especially for parents and children. We are their first teachers in life, how profound a moment when we acknowledge that is is our children who really have the most to teach us about how to live and learn in this life. This survey brought me full circle , now I truly know how I feel, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  16. Charlene Hamby says:

    Well I guess my first reaction was shock. Not really that my son was gay. But that it was true that he was gay. I had always suspected it. But would not admit it. He had always denied the fact. He sang in gospel groups and even work beside his dad as an associate pastor. I am still having a hard time with it and our relationship is strained. In my eyes he wants me to see only his side of things. He does not want to see or understand the heartache that I am going through. He thinks that I should understand all of this over night. He cannot grasp that it is going to take some time to adjust. He is totally different from what he use to be. His personality is so negative now. His partner is even worse. His partner is very complaining and judgemental toward everyone. I have never heard this person say anything nice to or about anyone. It is like he is trying to pull my son away from all his friends and family so that he can have total control.This is still new and fresh to me. I am trying but my son and his friend feel that I am not trying at all. It’s like it is all about them and them alone. I am at a lose.

  17. Brandon Lucas says:

    Since my dear mother in law wants to blog publicly about her “so” called experiences with me. I will let people know whats really going on. First off she neglects to tell you that she wanted to just disown her son but being a preachers wife, She would have looked like the bad guy. She just took his ox of a an ex wife who knew he was gay when she married him under her wing when in fact the ex wife always hated her but wanted to spite my partner. She has made my life hell with her constant hollier than thou bullshit and her son got sick of it. It had nothing to do with me. Her and her husband baby their other son who lives with his nasty leech of a gf WHO is a convicted two time felon. Both don’t really work but are planning a big Christian wedding when they can’t even afford to take care of and feed her two kids. It’s time she woke up and drank a big ole cup of the real freaking world. I don’t have to alienate him, You do a fine job yourself with your antics and double standards. So post another blog dear…

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